Sarah Versus the I Love You
by Imagination-Parade
Summary: Companion to my previous "Little Moments" and "Family" stories. 5 moments Sarah wants to tell Chuck she loves him and one where she actually does.


_More finale fanfiction therapy! Apparently I'm still not over it, haha. This is the 3rd in the universe of my "Little Moments" and "Family" stories, and I would recommend reading them first or else you're probably going to be a little confused on some of the details here._

_Don't forget to review!_

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><p>She wakes in a panic.<p>

There's an unexpected weight against her middle, and in her semi-conscious state, it scares her. A quick scan of the bed tells her it's only his arm, everything's fine, and she's _safe_.

It's the morning after the beach, and they're in bed in the green hotel room. She's lying by the window, and he's sleeping on the side nearest the door, and even though that's the opposite of what he's used to, his arm still finds her in his first few moments of consciousness. She shifts and turns onto her side to face him, unsure of what to do but knowing he's about to awake, and she's greeted with a dreamy smile as he opens his eyes and finds himself waking up once again – _finally_ – next to his wife.

"Good morning," she whispers as his sleepy chocolate eyes meet hers.

"Good morning, beautiful," he mutters.

She told him the night before that she feels it, she feels _everything_, and she wants to be his wife again, but he knows she still doesn't remember, so he asks if he can kiss her. She nods, and he captures her lips in a kiss, and she thinks she could be perfectly content to stay in bed and spend her entire day kissing this man. He feels new and familiar all at the same time, a paradox that both worries and delights her. He pulls away after just one kiss. She's not sure what to do, either, so she reaches for the hand that's strewn across his own chest.

She tells him she likes waking up with him. He smiles and tells her he's missed waking up with her. The arm closest to her is stretched across the mattress, his fingers lightly playing with her hair, and she scoots towards him, lying on her back and resting her head against his shoulder. His arm curls down to fit around her side, and she asks for more stories – about them, about her, about _anything_. Deciding to share a story of the room, he asks if she wants to hear about the week he met Jenny Burton.

"Jenny Burton…" she muses, wondering exactly how much she's shared with him over the years. "How do you know about her?"

"Oh, we went to your high school reunion," he tells her with about as much taunting enthusiasm as he had when it had happened so many years earlier.

"Oh god, no, we didn't." She looks mortified. Chuck tries not to laugh.

He tells her the story, starting with how Heather Chandler made her in the Orange Orange and ending with their shared cheeseburger as she nursed her war wounds in the chairs by the window. She's impressed by his decision not to ask her a personal question when he had the chance all over again, and it reminds her of the night before on the beach, when he told her he didn't want anything but to be there for her. She feels butterflies in her stomach because she still doesn't _know_ him, but she knows there's something special about him, and she knows she's going to _stay_.

"I'm sorry about last night," she says, referencing their ill-fated attempt at lovemaking. "I shouldn't have said that."

"It's what you felt in the moment," Chuck says, shaking his head. "I know you don't remember our first time in Pairs or…or anything. I have to try and not let that surprise me…or bother me."

"I'm sorry," she says again. "I _want_ to remember, Chuck. I want to know you."

"You will," he promises. "For now…you're _here_, and that's all I care about. Baby, I was so scared I was never going to get to be with you like this again."

She brings his hand to her mouth for a soft kiss before she sits up slightly to glance at the alarm clock across the room. She ignores the fact that her suitcase's contents are still _all_ over the floor and the fact that they still need to pack so she can go _home_ and, with a shrug, says, "We've still got some time before hotel check out. Can we try again?"

He tightens his grip on her, rolling her onto her side and shifting onto his so they're nose-to-nose. He whispers, "Of course," and tilts her chin up to meet his lips for a passionate kiss.

* * *

><p>She gets sick not too long after they get back from DC.<p>

A bit of quick mental math when she tells him she's not feeling well has him instantly worrying that she's carrying a pre-memory-loss baby, and he nearly sighs in relief when she lists her definitely-not-pregnancy-related symptoms and begins swearing up and down that she caught something from that medical cesspool they were holed up in for a week. He thinks she's just been walloped with a healthy dose of allergies she's forgotten she falls victim to in California, but she's never been good at being sick. She walks around the house complaining of aches and various other ailments, and he asks if she needs him to get the Rocky Road.

"No, I…wait…how do you know I like ice cream when I'm sick?" she asks. "I never get sick!"

"Hello…" he says, flashing his wedding ring at her from his place on the couch. "_Husband_, remember? There might have been _one_ moment in our relationship where you haven't felt too good before."

"Right…" she sighs. She's silent for a moment before she sniffles and adds, "What else do I like you to do when I don't feel well?"

He grins and stands from his place on the couch. He walks over to her, holds her body gently to his, and slips a hand underneath her cotton tank to rub her bare back. "This," he whispers.

He thinks he can literally feel her body melt into him as a soft moan fills his ear.

"Want to take this to the couch?" he asks, chuckling quietly.

She nods, they move to the couch, and she molds herself to the side of his body as he soothes her aching muscles. She briefly considers the fact that he has a tendency to always be a little on the warm side, and he's letting her lie on top of him during the hottest part of the unnaturally warm winter day, but she selfishly doesn't say anything. They stay that way for a while before she picks her head up and remembers that he had plans with Morgan that afternoon.

He's been so caught up in her and them and her recovery that he had finally taken her advice and scheduled some good old-fashion video game guy time, and it's a break that he _deserves_, and she tells him to _go_ because she'll be just fine. He smiles, smoothes some hair away from her face, and tells her he'd rather take care of her. She accepts his answer but makes him promise to go to Morgan's after she climbs in a bubble bath and turns in early.

He kisses her forehead and tells her he loves her, and she instinctively wants to say it back. But she doesn't. Not yet. She strokes his cheek, and returns his smile.

* * *

><p>She returns to her hotel room after successfully completing her first post-memory-loss mission and feels like something's missing.<p>

She won't be flying home until the morning, and though she's proud of herself for completing her mission, and though she feels a little bit like normal, even though she's been undercover for two days, she finds herself looking at the picture that she found tucked into her suitcase and calling her husband.

He's thrilled to hear her voice, and that makes her happy. After ensuring she's unhurt and telling her he returned home from Chicago early, he wants to hear all about the mission because it's weird that she's on a mission without him. She tells him as much as she thinks she can, knowing she'll have to recount it all over again when she writes her report on the flight home. He listens with interest but nearly blows out her eardrum when she mentions the Pentothal she inadvertently fell victim to.

"You…you…what did you…" he stutters. "Did you just say…_I can't believe you_!"

"What?" she asks, completely befuddled as to why he's having such a strong reaction to such a simple detail of her story. "Chuck, what did I say?"

"Are you _kidding_ me?" he asks. "What do you mean you can withstand Pentothal?"

"It doesn't affect me," she tells him. "That was part of my training when I was still a teenager."

"So when I asked you if we were going anywhere, and you told me no, you were _lying_? You _knew_ you were lying?" he exclaims, momentarily forgetting that she may not have the slightest clue what he's talking about. He calms down a bit and asks, "Sarah, you knew that soon?"

She's about to ask him what in the world he's talking about and what she knew so soon when the weight of her own words hit her.

_Day (49) – Chuck broke up with me today. Well, uh, _fake_…fake broke up with me, technically. He asked me on our last mission if we could ever have a real relationship outside of our cover relationship…if we were ever 'going anywhere.' Luckily, I've been trained to withstand Pentothal. I told him no, but I…I think I might be compromised._

"Chuck…" She's putting two and two together, and her mind is reeling. "Yeah. Yeah, I did."

She sits through a moment of silence before a quiet "I love you" filters through the phone. She holds one hand against her heart as she bids him goodnight, tells him she'll see him soon, and ends the call.

She loves him, too.

* * *

><p>He comes home late one evening to find his wife perched on the couch, silently staring at a thin DVD case in her hands. She's just returned from her mission, and though he didn't really expect her to disappear and never come back, he's just <em>so happy<em> to see her in their home. She's sitting Indian style and dressed in warm pajamas, and he knows it hasn't been long since she took a shower because her short hair is hanging loose and naturally curly against her shoulders. She looks up when he walks in the doorway, smiles slightly, and greets him with a soft hello.

He pecks her lips, collapses on the couch next to her, and asks what she's staring at. She turns the DVD case towards him, and his face changes. It's the video of their wedding; the date of their marriage and the words "Our Wedding Day" with a little smiley face are scrawled in purple sharpie in a circle around the disc.

He wasn't expecting that. He wasn't sure what he was expecting her to be staring so intently at, but he wasn't expecting that. "That's um…that's pretty important," he stutters.

"Chuck…I know the doctor said the memories are supposed to come back on their own, and I don't know if this would be cheating, but I've been looking at the pictures around the house all day, and I _really_ want to watch this. Is that a bad idea?"

Chuck sighs, takes the DVD from her hands, and gets up to place it in the player. "I don't care," he sighs. "Why didn't you watch it earlier? You didn't have to agonize over it all day, baby."

"I was waiting for you," she says. "It seemed like something I shouldn't watch without you here with me. I want to _remember_ this, Chuck."

He's not sure whether she means the evening they're currently experiencing or the evening they're about to watch, but either way, he sits back down next to her, takes her hand, and starts the video. They've only watched their wedding once before, after the DVD was first delivered, and Chuck never thought they'd be watching it again like this. She watches in fascination, and he finds himself watching his wife more than he's watching the ceremony. He lets go of her hand and wraps his arm around her as she tears up during their vows, and she leans her head against his shoulder as he dips her into a kiss on the screen.

"That was really beautiful," she whispers as the screen fades to black.

"Do you remember anything?" he asks softly. She picks her head up and looks at him with sad, tear-filled eyes. His face falls and he nods, silently berating himself for getting his hopes up.

"I remember feelings," she says. "The only visual I have of walking down the aisle to meet you is the one I just watched on TV, but when I see myself doing it, I remember how it felt. Feelings that I know I couldn't possibly know if I hadn't actually experienced it for real at some point, and god, this sounds so _stupid_."

"No!" Chuck quickly exclaims. "No, it's not stupid. It's something. It's not stupid."

"It doesn't make any sense," she counters.

"What about the Intersect makes any sense?" he asks her. "I want to know what you're remembering, even if it doesn't make sense."

She asks a lot of questions, questions about why Morgan married them and that means they are _legally_ married, right? She wants to know how she and Zondra got on good enough terms for her to be a bridesmaid in their wedding (a question that includes a plea to _please_ not tell her Carina dragged him into some sort of CAT Squad reunion. He quickly tells her that he dragged himself into that one.) Then comes his favorite question…a question that springs from a wisp of a memory.

"Chuck, why do I remember some sort of headpiece if I didn't wear a veil?" she asks.

His laughter is more than just a little chuckle this time as he draws on a memory of his own, and she gives him a startled glance.

"You put a white doily on your head for our practice wedding," he explains, pointing to the space behind the couch. He realizes she might not know what he's talking about and begins to explain. "Not a rehearsal dinner practice or anything…"

"Just you and me with twist-tie rings," she smiles, cutting him off. "Why did we…"

"You were nervous about publicly expressing all those feelings, so we practiced first."

It's her turn to chuckle. "That sounds like me," she whispers.

He shoots her a huge grin, and she feels happy that a tiny little half-memory has pleased him.

She's silent for several moments after, and he thinks he can almost hear the gears turning in her head as she processes everything she's just watched and learned. She lost her memory, and something horrible happened to both of them, but he kept his vows, and he is _still_ her gift, and she _loves_ him. She _knows_. She knows, but she's not ready to tell him, so she pulls his face to hers and kisses him instead.

* * *

><p>Her sister is coming over, and she's a nervous wreck.<p>

She's seen Molly only once since she lost her memories, and the little girl had spent most of the time playing in the restaurant's play-place and eating way too much pizza, so Sarah hadn't had to do much, but when Molly asks to have a sleepover at her big sister's place (they, apparently, have all the _good_ video games,) Sarah doesn't have the heart to tell her no.

Emma and Molly arrive, and Molly throws herself at Sarah for a hug before scurrying past her to find Chuck. Her mother asks if she's alright, and Sarah says she's just worried that Molly will say something or ask her something about the last time she was at their home, and Sarah doesn't _remember_ the last time she was at their home. Emma promises to come back and get her earlier than the morning if things go badly, and Sarah bids her goodbye with an uneasy smile.

They order pizza for dinner, and Molly plays video games with Chuck until it arrives; Sarah watches from the table behind the couch and marvels over how the baby she saved from the CIA is grown-up and thriving and playing with her husband, who seems to thoroughly enjoy having a kid in the house. She later catches the little girl in their room. Molly's looking at Sarah's dresses and asks if she can try one on. Chuck finds them a little while later, Molly in a strategically safety pinned dress, and he leans on the doorframe and watches both girls giggle as Sarah places a light dusting of makeup on Molly's face.

Molly wants to camp out in the living room, with movies and popcorn and sleeping bags. Chuck declares that to be the girls' night part of the sleepover and heads to his room. Sarah joins him after Molly falls asleep, planning to sneak back out to the living room after some quiet time with her husband. Chuck's putting the closet back together, repairing the damage that Hurricane Molly left behind, and Sarah pulls him into a kiss and tells him he doesn't have to do that.

"You remember her, right?" Chuck asks as they both sit down on their bed. "I mean, you remember her as a baby and taking her to your mom?"

"It's the last thing I really remember," she says with a sigh.

"Can I ask you kind of a weird question?"

She nods, and he asks if she ever thought about being that little girl's mom…about saying to hell with it all and quitting the CIA and letting Emma help her raise Molly as her own daughter. Sarah's quiet for a long time after Chuck finishes his question, and he thinks he may have said the wrong thing.

"Yeah," Sarah says softly. "Yeah, I…I've never told anyone this."

"You can tell me," Chuck says, matching her tone.

"Yes, Chuck, of course I did! I thought about it at the time, and I'm sure I thought about it after, though I don't remember…but I was really young, and I was a spy, and I _liked_ being a spy, and I would've constantly worried about someone finding us, and it wasn't right," she says. "And it worked out because now my mom gets to have the daughter she deserved."

"Sarah…" he says softly.

"Besides," Sarah adds with a smile, changing the subject. "Now I have a sister and my daughter can have an aunt…you know, from _my_ side."

Chuck shoots her a huge grin. "Your daughter?"

"Or son…we might have a son," she says. "Someday. You'd be a really good dad, I think."

"You're already thinking about us having kids again?" he asks.

She reveals that while she's not ready for that yet, sometimes she tries to picture what it would be like. She tells him the idea that they were getting ready to expand their family scares her…_really_ scares her…but finding pink and blue lists of names on her computer kind of excited her as well. He smiles and mentions something about Morgan telling him that it wouldn't take long for Sarah's heart to catch up to the big stuff.

She wants to tell him that Morgan was right, that once she allowed herself to fall back into this life she had discovered in Burbank with Chuck, her heart remembered a lot while her brain is stuck playing a slow, confusing game of catch-up, but old habits apparently die hard, and she can't quite bring herself to vocalize what she feels yet.

Instead, she gives him a small smile and simply mutters, "Morgan was right."

* * *

><p>He wakes to the sound of his wife groaning in pain; his brain registers the sound, and his eyes fly open.<p>

They had made a tentative plan to run away together for every anniversary, but the second one rolls around, and Sarah is very pregnant and unable to fly halfway around the world. She's also, as it seems, unable to sleep in.

"What? What's wrong? I'm awake," Chuck says quickly, sitting up, ready for action.

"Oh, it's okay," Sarah sighs, rubbing her swollen belly. "He's just kicking again, and it hurts."

"Did you sleep at all?" he wonders.

"Your son is going to be a soccer star, Chuck," she sighs. That means no.

"Here, let me talk to him," Chuck says, pulling the covers back. "You know, man to man."

He kisses her lips in a good morning greeting and turns his attention to her belly. Sarah lets out a giggle as her husband scoots down on the bed, pushes her shirt away, and gently caresses her bare stomach. He gives their son a good morning kiss, too, before he speaks.

"Hey, little man," Chuck says, letting his hand lay still on Sarah's skin. "Now, look, I _know_ you're probably having _loads_ of fun playing with Mommy's insides, but do you know what today is? Today is Mommy and Daddy's anniversary. That's right…this time two years ago, your mom was…well, actually, about this time in the morning, she was laying in a hospital bed, and I was really freaking out, but that's another story for another day…when you're older."

Chuck pauses and looks up at his wife. She assures him that she remembers as much as an unconscious person could remember the event that he's referring to. Chuck smiles and turns his attention back to her belly.

"Anyway, as I was saying…this day two years ago, your mommy got dressed up in this big white dress for me, even though she really just wanted to run off to Morocco or something, and we told each other how much we loved each other and would love each other _forever_ in front of all our family, and then Uncle Morgan pronounced us married, and it was perfect. And then we did it all over again last year in Paris because your mommy…well, your mommy was really brave, little guy. She was brave enough to trust her heart and love me even though she kind of didn't really know me…but that's also another story for another day, probably when you're _a lot_ older," he says.

"Chuck," Sarah laughs.

"Anyway, son, my _point_ is that this is a very special day for Mommy and me, and I'm sure she would really appreciate it if you were _extra_ good today. And if that's not a good enough reason, do it for me, okay? She's doing a really great job of making you, and I don't want her to be hurt or sad today because today's important, and…between you and me…I really love her," Chuck finishes.

He glances up again to find her almost in tears. She smiles and whispers, "I love you, too."

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><p><em>Thanks for reading! Please review :)<em>


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